Revelation

I have been questioning and praying lately, not as much as I should be, and that is probably why I haven't been receiving answers, or maybe I haven't been able to see them because I am not as connected as I should be to the spirit. I don't know. I really want to know some things, and sometimes I think I already know the answer, but then my feelings tell me otherwise. I am confused in life, I feel as if I have a plan in me, somewhere, but I am just not sure if I am on it, or how to get to it.

Right now, I don't feel that good about myself at all, and yet I long to be with other people. I long for love and friendship and understanding. I am scared about a lot of things, and I just wish I knew what it is I am supposed to be doing with my time. I want to be happier, and to feel confident in my teeth and my face and my body, and I am working on all of these things, but it is such a slow process..

I know that if I want answers, and if I want to be less selfish and empty, then I am going to have to dedicate myself and be obedient, even my brother told me that. I need to read scriptures more, I need to pray more, I need to serve more. I know that if I had a goal, a purpose, a passion, I would be happier, though it is such a struggle most of the time. The other night, actually, at 2am, on the way home from a YSA event, a friend asked me what I am most passionate about in life, and I was taken a back, I couldn't answer it...I didn't know what my passion was, even after all this time. I had the idea to say 'Helping people' but I couldn't say it because it didn't feel like it was authentic.

I've also realised through noticing how I treat the people who care about me the most, that even when I love I don't love enough, or as best as I could. I need help. I don't know what I need help with but I need help, and I feel stupid having to say that. I want to be able to do things on my own without relying on people so much, but it just doesn't seem possible right now, and I know that as a believer, I need to trust and rely on Heavenly Father more than anyone. At least watching this video has brought me some insight, even though I feel lost and alone and confused. I guess that is one thing I am grateful for.